When Kirby Attacks
by The-3-Sueslayers
Summary: What happens when Kratos gets turned into a Kirby? Will he get his own body back in time? Will he survive? Will his dignity? Slight onesided KratosxRaine.
1. Chapter 1

I'm Sueslayer2! don't own, so don't sue.

* * *

"I'm bored," Lloyd Irving announced to the general world around him. (The general world being his friends Colette, Genis, Presea, Regal, Zelos and Sheena, his father Kratos, and teacher Raine.)

"So entertain yourself," Kratos, who was reading a book, said. It was entirely unhelpful, and yet a suggestion all the same. One of Kratos' specialties.

"Want to go for a walk?" asked Genis, Lloyd's best friend.

"Sure," Lloyd said. "You coming, Colette?"

"Okay," the blond girl said.

The three friends walked away from the inn. Lloyd admired the forest around him, happy for the fresh air and movement. He heard Colette suddenly say, "Awww! That's so cute!"

Lloyd turned around, expecting to see his cheerful friend looking at a baby squirrel or something. Instead, he saw what looked like a small blob, about a foot long and a foot high. Its round body was a light shade of pink, and it had two tiny pink arms sticking out the sides, and two tiny red feet sticking out the bottom. There were no distinguishable fingers or toes, just little oval shaped blobs. It had big, oval-shaped blue eyes and a closed mouth. It was bouncing around, flipping over easily, and happily dancing.

"Awww!" Colette said again. "Look at it! Isn't it so cute?"

The creature bounced into Colette's arms, snuggling closer to the blond Chosen. She patted its head happily. Then she looked pleadingly at Lloyd. "Look! It likes me! Can we keep it? Please?"

Genis looked interested. "We haven't seen anything like this in Symphonia before. I think Raine might want to see it, and we should ask the grown-ups before keeping it. Let's head back."

"OK," said Lloyd. "Somehow I get the feeling that I'm not gonna be bored for long."

The three walked back to the inn, Colette still cuddling the pink thing.

When they reached the inn, Raine looked up from her book. "You're back," she said. Then she noticed Colette holding the pink thing. "Hey, is that... it is!"

"You know what it is, Professor?" asked Lloyd.

"Yes," Raine replied. "It's a Kirby."

A while later, the whole party sat in a circle outside of the inn, with the pink thing in the centre.

"So what is that thing?" asked Sheena.

"It's something called a 'Kirby'," said Raine. "They were spoken of in a couple of the older legends. It's supposedly a being from another land that occasionally ends up here. Also... I think they can use other beings' power by swallowing them."

Lloyd looked at the little pink thing, that was now staring wide-eyed at them.

It sort of bounced over to Kratos, and stared at him for a moment. Then it opened a large mouth and started to suck in air, surprisingly hard. Kratos went flying toward the little thing. As he did, he shouted "Judgement!" and a beam of light hit the Kirby and Kratos. The Kirby, which had swallowed Kratos at that time, then spit him out. He appeared to be unconscious, and the Kirby collapsed beside him.

The group ran over to surround Kratos and the Kirby. Both seemed to be out cold.

Lloyd looked at his father. "Let's poke him," he said.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm Sueslayer 2, and I don't own TOS, or Kirby. Enjoy!

* * *

Kratos slowly regained consciousness. Instinctively, he lay absolutely still. He hadn't been unconscious in three thousand years, and that it had happened to him now was not a good sign. His quick mind deduced the answer. He had used Judgement while that pink thing was trying to eat him. The beams were wide, and he had been close to the Kirby at that time. He must have accidentally knocked himself out. _So, _he thought, _the bottom line is I've just eliminated _myself _from the battle. Pathetic._

He opened one eye, just a crack. He seemed to be still outside the inn. His vision was a little funny, though. _Must be the lingering effects of unconscousness._

He opened both eyes - to see a pair of swords pointed at him. He whirled to see every member of the party surrounding him, all except Colette pointing their weapons at him.

"All right, what did you do?" Lloyd asked him.

"Don't hurt him, Lloyd! It's not his fault!" Colette shouted.

Struck by a sudden doubt, Kratos looked down.

"Holy mother of Mana!"

"_Kratos_?"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: HELP ME! I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK!

Ok, if you have any ideas for what happens next, send it to me. I desperately need the help! I can't think of what to DO with him, now that he's a kirby and had expressed his intense annoyance. Oh, well. Don't own, don't sue! here comes my pathetically short third chapter!

* * *

Kratos looked at himself, horrified. He was _pink_. He was pink and cuddly and _disgustingly _cute. He walked slowly in a small circle, getting used to walking without technically having legs.

"What is going on here?" he asked, struggling to keep his calm exterior from utterly exploding.

"It's you? Prove it!"

Kratos looked at Lloyd. "My name is Kratos Aurion," he said calmly. "I used to have a wife named Anna, before she was turned into an Exubus. I wield a sword called Flamberge, and I have Angelic powers." He walked over and whispered something into Lloyd's ear.

Lloyd nodded. "That's Kratos, all right. Sorry. I just had a hard time believing you weren't a Kirby, considering you looked like one. What happened?"

"Well," said Raine, "When Kratos used Judgement, it hit himself and the Kirby. The power must have done something to their minds."

"So," said Kratos, "What do you think will happen to my body?"

"Well," said Raine, "There are two possibilities. One, the Kirby's mind will inhabit your body, making it a complete switch, or two, the Kirby's still in it's own body, making that an incomplete switch. If it's the first, you will have the Kirby's instincts, and it will have yours. If the second is what happened, then the Kirby's mind will most probably battle with yours for dominance. If that is what happened, your body will remain in a comatose state until we transfer your mind back into it."

Kratos looked startled. "I hope it's the second," he said.

Raine looked worried. "I don't," she said.

"Why?" asked Lloyd.

"A Kirby is easy enough to control. It will, at least, eat. Without a consciousness, your body will not consume nutrients. In a matter of weeks, your body will die, leaving your consciousness stranded inside this fuzzy, pink body."

Kratos looked at her, wide eyed. (Considering the size of a Kirby's eyes, he had been already).

"What's going to happen to me?"

* * *

A/N: Help! please suggest which option happens! if we choose option 1, we will have humerous interludes, checking in on the Kirby in Kratos' body. If you choose option 2, then we will have a time limit and probably much panic. 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N thank you for all those wonderful reviews! I love you all! By the way, I have this link 2701 to thank for this idea. MUAHAHA! FEAR MY EVIL! seriously, though...

thanks. All of you. ) link 2701, Chiyanaski, WhiteFoxDemon, Amber Aurion, freakyanimegal456, and IamtotallyKewlio. You're all cool.

(Just a desperate request. look at my story, 'Harvest Moon', it's a TOS/KH crossover. Please review it, too! I like that story a lot. ) review here, too!) (Heehee, shameless plugging. I love it!)

OK, there has been a vote, and option 1 was the choice! MUAHAHA! Kratos, you'd better run...

Kratos: -runs-

Don't own, don't sue!

* * *

Kratos looked hard at the door. _Why, _he thought angrily, _does the wretched doorknob have to be so damn high up?_

He had to lean back on his tiny pink body to even _see_ the thing. _Guess I'll have to jump for it, _he thought. He started to bend his knees, then realised he didn't _have _knees. So he settled for bouncing up onto the odd toeless front of his feet in an attempt to launch himself into the air.

Without realising it, he opened his mouth, and filled his body with air. He lifted off of the ground and grabbed the doorknob. Twisting his body, he turned it. The door creaked open. Releasing the air flooding his system, he dropped to the floor.

_So that's how a Kirby gets around,_ thought Kratos. He walked into the room, hopping up on the bed. Lying on top of the covers was his body. He turned to Raine, who quickly answered the unspoken question.

"No sign of waking so far. It might soon, though," she said.

"Thanks," he replied, in a half-whisper. He didn't talk much, because the Kirby's body had lightened his voice, making him sound younger and much less mature.

Suddenly, someone burst into the room. It was Colette.

"Hi, Professor!" she said cheerily. Turning to Kratos, she picked him up and hugged him, squishing him against her. "Hi!"

Kratos caught himself, smothering the happiness at the hug. Colette must be alike to someone Kirby once knew. "Hello... Colette," he choked. Colette's hug was restricting his throat and crushing him. "Please... put... me... down..."

Colette's eyes turned from happiness to immediate shame. "Oh! I'm sorry, Kratos!" She quickly dropped him.

"I would prefer if you did not do that..." he said quietly. Suddenly, feelings that had lay dormant were springing to life. This was obviously what Kirby felt. He was homesick, but for what he did not understand. He was lonely for a friend he had lost... a little girl, pink-haired, with a red bow. The feeling reminded him of his memories of Anna. _So this Kirby's lost someone too, _he thought. Also, he felt incredibly, insatiably hungry. Being a Seraph, he wasn't used to the feeling of being hungry, because Seraphim usually aren't. _We have to go without food for days before feeling hungry. This is odd..._ he thought.

Suddenly, Kratos' body stirred.

"Oh, look!" said Colette. "You... he... He's waking up!"

* * *

Ok... now, what shall we have Kratoskirby do when he wakes? Review and give me a couple of suggestions! Should he try to eat Raine? should he run away? Should he CRY? Oh, yeah, and what should we call Kratos' body with Kirby's brain? I'm calling Kratos' brain Kratos, so the Kirby's brain would be Kirby? Hmmm...

Anyway, review!


	5. Chapter 5

I'm so sorry for not updating! PLEASE don't kill me! Here's another chapter, and expect more soon! Heh... Kratos is gonna kill me by the time this is done...

Kratos: -glare-

Me: NOOOOO! Not the scary stone man glare! -sobs-

Kratos: -looks confused- are you alright?

Me: yeah. -sniff- just say the disclaimer.

Kratos: Sueslayer2 does not own anything but the plot.

Me: Thank you. Now, enjoy the story while I go cry. -goes off to cry-

Kratos: ... Do you think she's insane?

* * *

The Kirby in Kratos' body opened its eyes. Kratos peered at it, wondering what it would do. He hoped it wasn't anything TOO embarrassing... he also hoped it didn't kill his body... 

Suddenly, his pondering was interrupted by the equivalent of a small earthquake. Kratos, caught unawares, was sent flying off the edge of the bed. "Aah!" he said.

Colette's hand shot out and caught him. "Thanks," he said quietly as she placed him back on the rocking bed. He then turned his attention to exactly what was making it rock.

Kratos' body was thrashing around, seemingly desperate. Raine was desperately trying to hold him down and keep him from running off. "Damn!" she said. "You're strong!" she turned to Colette. "Colette, help me! I'm definitely not strong enough to keep him from getting away! Try to calm the Kirby down!"

Colette joined the struggle. However, Kratos was a highly trained warrior, and an Angel besides, so his body was strong. Stronger than the half-elven woman and the little angel girl.

Kratos, in the Kirby's body, knew that. He looked around quickly, and found a large book. Picking it up, he climbed the bed to where his head was.

Wham! Kratos brought the book down on his head, knocking the Kirby in his body back into unconsciousness. 

"Well, that solves it for now. Quick thinking, Kratos," Raine said.

"Thank you," Kratos replied.

"So what now?" Colette asked.

"I'm honestly not sure... Colette, why don't you go get the others, ask their opinion?"

"Alright!" said Colette cheerfully as she headed off to do just that.

A minute or so later, the group was meeting outside of the room.

"So what do you think we should do?" asked Raine.

"Well..." started Lloyd.

"Yes?" Raine asked.

"We could go ask Yuan. He seems to know a lot about magitechnology and stuff... maybe he'd have an idea."

Raine looked wonderingly at Lloyd. "You know what, Lloyd?"

"What?" Lloyd asked.

"That's the most intelligent thing you've said all day!" Raine said. Lloyd blushed as Colette hugged him.

"Not hard," Genis said. "Still, it's a good idea."

Yuan... Kratos thought. _If he finds out, I'll never live it down. "_No!" he said. "Please. ANYONE but Yuan." 

Raine sighed. "Kratos, it's all we have. It's that, or you stay like this."

Kratos sighed. "Alright." Could this get worse?

* * *

D BLAHAHA! 

I'm done being miserable. Like it? Oh, yesss... Yuan's going to have some fun!

PS: If you review, please answer my question. Am I Insane? It's up to you.

Feast your eyes on implied KratosxRaine! if you can find it, I'll give you a virtual cookie.


	6. Chapter 6

The group set off the next day for the (almost) abandoned renegade base. It would take them a day and a bit to get there.

Kratos was starving. Being so much smaller than the others, he had to work twice as hard to keep up with them. He was not used to the sensation of being anything but slightly tired and slightly hungry, but now, he was starving and very tired.

Not paying attention to the road, he tripped over a small stone, (Remember, he's around a foot tall) and was sent sprawling.

Colette stopped. "Kratos, are you alright?" she asked as scrambled to his feet.

"I'm fine-" he said, but was interrupted by his own stomach as it growled loudly.

Colette's eyes widened. "You're hungry! Oh, I'm sorry Kratos, I never thought-"

"It's alright," he interrupted her.

Colette stopped. "Let's stop for a minute. I want to get Kratos something to eat." She reached into her backpack, and pulled out a couple of sandwiches. She handed one to Kratos.

Finally! FOOD! Kratos thought. He took the sandwich and went to bite it. He stopped. 

"What's wrong, Kratos? I didn't put any tomatoes in it," Colette said.

"Raine?" he asked quietly. "Is there something you forgot to tell me about Kirbies?"

Raine's eyes went wide and she smacked herself with one hand.

"What's wrong?" asked Lloyd.

Sheena started to laugh. "What is it, my sweet hunny?" asked Zelos. Sheena, ignoring his use of the annoying nicknames, whispered something in his ear. Zelos started snickering.

"WHAT IS IT?" Lloyd shouted.

Kratos sighed. "I don't have teeth."

* * *

OOOHHHH Cliffy... of sorts. So... How's Kratos gonna eat his food without teeth? 

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

REVIEW! please! I need reviews! and also please look at 'Harvest Moon' for my more sucessful humor fic.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry about the long wait for a miserably short chapter, but I really am trying! My muses, however are on vacation. So I'm borrowing Kratos as my muse!

Kratos: Why me?

Me: Well, the story IS about you.

Kratos: about torturing me!

Me: Yeah, so? In this world, Kratos, bashing a character like that is almost always out of love. Basically, I write this stuff because: A, it's fun, and B, I think you're cool.

Kratos: -sarcasm- oh. Well then, that makes it so much better.

Me: -hurt- meanie. Just say the disclaimer and leave me to go emo about how no one loves me! -cries in corner-

Kratos: uh oh... Well, Sueslayer2 doesn't own me, Tales of Symphonia, or Kirby.

* * *

Lloyd burst out laughing, joining Zelos and Sheena. Genis also decided to join in.

Presea, who was the second strongest and therefore, much to the dismay of the males, had been given the job of keeping a firm hold on the arm of the Kirby in Kratos' brain, looked mildly amused. "That might pose a problem," she said.

"Oh, no!" said Colette. "How will you eat?"

"That's a good question," he said, looking at Raine. She just shrugged.

"Well," said Lloyd, "Remember when the Kirby tried to suck you in? Maybe he was trying to eat you. Maybe that's how Kirbies eat."

Raine looked wonderingly at Lloyd. "Lloyd, that's the second intelligent thing you've said in as many days," she said, as Colette hugged Lloyd again and he blushed. "Kratos must be rubbing off on you." She turned to Kratos. "Try it, Kratos. It might just work."

Kratos put the sandwich down in front of him and sucked in a gulp of air. The sandwich came flying into his mouth, and before he could stop it, right down his throat and into his stomach. He felt a burst of energy enter his system as it was almost instantly digested.

"That's... better. Thank you," said Kratos.

"No problem!" said Colette.

They continued on. They walked. They walked. They walked. And, just for a change, they walked some more!

Kratos, who had to take four steps for every one of theirs, was truly exhausted.

Practically asleep on his feet, he did not notice that Colette had stopped until he walked into her leg. He looked up to see what was going on.

A group of thin, half-starved, hungry-looking wolves was stalking toward them, looking at them with hungry eyes.

"They look hungry," said Lloyd. (AN: It's a bird! It's a plane. IT'S OBVIOUS MAN!)

__

There he goes, stating the obvious again,

thought Kratos. (AN: I JUST SAID THAT!)

Then, the wolves attacked. Quickly counting them, Kratos figured out there were ten. _Must be a... hunting party. _(Me: OBVIOUS MAN STRIKES AGAIN! Kratos: Shut up or I'll kill you. Me: WTF! How did you get into my AN? Kratos: Doors can't stop me. -evil smile- Me: Meep! -runs away- Kratos: Wow, she didn't even realize that she left the door unlocked. Heh, she's more gullible than I thought.)

The group began to fight off the wolves. Kratos, conscious of his tiny, pink, relatively harmless body, got out of the way. He watched the battle from high in a conveniently placed tree. Presea had shoved Kratos' body down by the same tree and sharply ordered it to stay put. It seemed to be listening, for the moment. _Good thing,_ Kratos thought.

Genis cast a spell. Wind whistled by, shaking the branch Kratos was clinging to. He fell off and plummeted towards the ground. He landed on his back, quickly rolling on to his feet. There was a wolf between him and the tree. _Damn,_ Kratos thought. He felt something at the corner of his mind, the instinct of the Kirby niggling at him. He wondered what it was trying to say, and then,

His mouth opened against his will and he sucked in air. The wolf went flying into his mouth, and he felt an odd sensation spreading along his tiny limbs, like fire. After a moment, he saw that he had sharp teeth and claws. With a wolfish growl, he attacked, slashing with his claws and biting with his teeth as the wolves did.

A moment later all the wolves had been defeated. Kratos stood staring at them, horrified. Suddenly, the kirby's instincts took over again and he burped. A strange little star-shaped thing came flying out of his mouth and bounced away, and Kratos was in the normal Kirby body again.

Everyone was silent, staring at him in shock. "Woah..." said Lloyd. "Kratos... how'd you do that?"

"So that was what the Kirby was trying to do to Kratos..." said Raine. "I must figure out how this works!"

"Kratos!" said Lloyd. "Run! She's going into Ruin Mode!"

Kratos immediately began to run madly but Raine, with her infinitely longer legs, caught up to him quickly. She picked him up, then paused. Kratos used her moment of hesitation to jerk free. He continued running. "Lloyd!" he called. "Help me!"

Instead of Lloyd, it was Colette that scooped him up. She put him on her shoulders, and he clung to her hair. "Hold on!" she said. Shining wings came out of her back, and she floated up into the air. She hung there, just out of Raine's reach, while Lloyd, Genis and Regal calmed Raine down.

Raine stopped, realised what she was doing, and blushed with embarrassment. Colette dropped down to the ground and retracted her wings. Kratos hopped to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Kratos," Raine said. "I shouldn't have done that."

"It's fine," said Kratos. He turned to Colette. "Thank you," he said.

"No problem," said Colette, smiling as always.


End file.
